Time

So before I read chapter 4 I added to my slow going list of a thousand gifts (#'s23-29) and the first one was time to read and write and think and feel and play and be that summer gives to teachers, it is fleeing fast and I hope I've used it well. I hope I've been thank-full.

I am in a strange place with time-not just with the summer extra hours but without a family here like before. My head and heart have too much time and so I fill it up with the busy schedule(a life so full it can seem empty p63) the words she wrote about hurrying making us hurt and the hurt that drives us on really touched me-fleeing to escape the pain that pursues (p.67)looking ahead and fearing a life lived alone instead of being thank-full for all the lives and loves that fill my life each day. I am good at teaching this to my kids-esp Tess-be grateful for all you've seen and done and not what might get left unseen or undone-why is it so hard to teach myself?I need to preach it to the person who needs it the most-me (p73). The real problem really isn't too much time now or not enough in a few weeks that real problem is that failure to be thank-full for recognizing how much riduculous joy one moment can hold (p71). As I was writing this an image of Kallan as a baby standing naked in the rain came into my head-that free spirit of thankfull and the memories it brings are on my list today.
I want to be like Ann and be a hunter of beauty-its easy when I am outdoors running or hiking but harder to see indoors or in people but here's the beauty I saw today- a kind dental hygenist who went out of her way to make me feel comfy in a place where we all (and esp you Traci) feel awful but she did it-that's who I want to emulate today the person who makes others feel safe. She really exemplified the line wherever you are be all there (p.77). My prayer is to be all in!